


i breathe deep the fragrance of regret

by reginleit



Series: ec au [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 09:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1504886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginleit/pseuds/reginleit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your face brings me death every day,<br/>and every day I can’t wait to die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i breathe deep the fragrance of regret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tantsija](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tantsija/gifts).



i. 

the first time he saw her, she stood at the bus stop with white ribbons in her braided hair. he doesn't remember seeing anyone other than her that day. 

he does remember the feeling of pain when his brother had punched him in the arm and told him to stop staring. luca had laughed. daniel's cheeks had flushed red and he stormed off to find wes. he had only gone a few steps when he turned back to the bus stop to look at the young girl again, biting his lip when she had looked over and smiled at him. the moment her lips curved up with hesitance, daniel was floored. the moment he saw her crooked smile, he doesn't remember loving anyone else. 

at age 6, he had loved a girl without even knowing her name. he didn't see her the next, however. he didn't see her the day after that or the day after that. it left him confused, wondering if he had actually seen her or if she was just another imaginary friend he had conjured up in his loneliness. 

he waited at that bus stop everyday for four months, lingering until the crossing guard called his mother and told her about him.

ii.

the next time he saw her, he was eight and had just finished a little league soccer game. he was missing a tooth - one that he stored under his pillow for the fairy - and he was covered in mud with scraped knees. daniel was walking home from a little league soccer game in the park that no one in his family had bothered to come to. of course, he couldn't blame them. aron was older. luca had football. but daniel had really thought that his father would show up. he had promised to show up but when daniel turned to the crowd of parents, he didn't see the white hair belonging to his father. 

his bag dragged along the ground, the young boy too tired and sore to lift it up properly. his arms felt like they were filled with lead. all he wanted to do was take a nap or maybe steal luca's xbox controller. his arms felt so heavy that daniel finally just had to drop the bag at the an old oak tree near the exit of the park. the sun beat down on him, warming his skin as he sat down against the tree. he leaned his head back, sighed and closed his eyes.

he woke up to the sound of crying. the sun was low in the sky, signaling to daniel that he had been out too long but that didn't matter to him. all that mattered was trying to find the source of the crying. around and around, he looked for the source of the crying before finally just looking up. sure enough, in one of the low hanging branches was a face he hadn't seen in two years.

she looked different. her eyes looked sadder, more freckles had developed along the bridge of her nose, and there was a bruise on her jaw. his eyes lingered on the bruise but he didn't say anything. he was afraid to say something to her. what if he said the wrong thing?

finally, he managed to squeak something out, asking if she was okay.

her response was to look at him, such indefinite sadness in her gaze. 

he ran away from her, only to run back with a handful of dandelions - too young to know they were weeds.

she was gone when he returned.

iii.

her name was charlotte rigby. he learned that in middle school. his brother's girlfriend, ava had told him. ava also gave him the rundown on her family. when she explained the difficulties that charlotte had with her father - daniel suddenly understood why she had cried in the park. why she had looked sad. he'd never really even talked to the girl and yet he felt himself puffing up with indignation on her behalf.

ava had managed to deflate him with a laugh, letting the young eighth grader that charlotte lived happily with her mother now. 

she did look happier, daniel noted as he watched her for as long as he could before she looked up at him.

iv.

liking a girl was never easy for daniel. funny and charismatic in general, it all seemed to dissipate around charlotte. something that his brothers teased him mercilessly for. he'd barely talked to her - something that his brothers never failed to remind him of. freshman year in high school was something different for daniel. puberty came like a bitch and while he flirted and smooth talked girls, he never could turn his charm on to charlotte. she'd only look at him with those eyes of hers and he'd turn into a shaking, stuttering mess.

time went by and he went from mooning over her and going to great lengths for her even to acknowledge him in front of classmates to hot, sweaty dreams and sneaking his way into the high school field during a soccer game just so he could watch her play.

junior year was the turning part for daniel when she was assigned to be his writing partner.

v.

"this is stupid." snarled daniel, shoving his fingers into his hair to keep it away from his face. he might have been worried about seeming the fool to charlotte earlier but now, exasperation and exhaustion had his filter failing. "poetry? why the fuck are we learning poetry."

"because it'll be on the final." charlotte's answer was calm, measured. 

"it's a fuckin' dead language." grumbled the teenage boy.

"is it?" amusement in her voice, charlotte's lips twitched. "i wasn't aware english was a dead language."

naturally, the moment she smiled, daniel's ire was soothed a little. 

only a little.

"but having to memorize one and tell it in front of the class? i don't understand the point."

"you didn't understand the point in having to read les miserables either" she reminded him.

"but this is poetry. keats and all that shit." daniel slumped in his chair. 

"you're not looking at the bigger picture, daniel" charlotte kept her voice soft. daniel loved when she said his name. "look just...close your eyes."

he turned his gaze to her with an arched eyebrow. rouge tinged her cheeks but she looked so expectant that daniel did as asked and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. 

"what comes to mind when you think of love?"

his brow furrowed at her question. it was an odd question but he shrugged. "guess it's soft and cushy and shit."

"you're wrong. guess again."

"love...sucks?"

her laughter felt like music and daniel's face split into a grin.

"once more."

daniel began to think about the question. what did he think of love? what did he know of love? he knew his parents were a marriage of convenience, with his father never around. he knew that ava and luca were a bout of passion, full of teeth and claws. 

"love isn’t soft." he muttered, almost too low for her to hear. "it's not soft like the poets say it is. love's got teeth and once it bites you, the wound never closes. " 

the silence that resulted had his cheeks flushing and eyes popping open. charlotte was watching him with an unreadable expression.

"poetry's stupid." daniel scowled, pushing away from the table and stalking out of the library.

"wait, daniel!" he ignored the sound of her following, not stopping even when he reached the deserted hallway. "please stop!"

his pace slowed and then got even slower until he stopped moving and glanced at her. white teeth flashed as she nibbled on her bottom lip. 

"i like when you read poetry." she said. "you should read it more often."

vi.

"daniel, if you don't stop kicking that ball around, we're not going to finish and i won't be barred from playing in nationals because my partner won't do his share." charlotte exclaimed, sitting up on the bed where she was trying to type at her laptop. daniel ignored her, toeing the ball as he glanced around her room. he'd never pictured her room before - only ever seeing her in his when his dreams got sweaty. like last night. he'd left the window open to the hot, spring air and yet, his skin had still burned as she came to him in his sleep, her white fingers running over the stubble on his jaw. 

"daniel!"

daniel startled, kicking the ball too hard. it bounced off the bookshelf, rattling it hard enough that a book fell from the top of it. 

"sorry, sorry." he hastened to pick it up, pausing at the writing he saw. it was familiar, words printed neat and small in charlotte rigby's handwriting.

"the fates say that we are star crossed but there is no one else I would fight the galaxies for." the moment he said the phrase outloud, the bed squeaked as charlotte launched herself at him, arm outstretched for the book. height came into daniel's advantage as his hand held it over her head. her face was one of determination and a little mortification. she jumped, trying to get the book but he held it over her head. the next time she jumped trying to get at it, her body brushed against daniel's. the sensation had them both stiffening, both of their arms raised in the air over the book but they weren't looking at the book anymore. daniel's eyes were fixed on her face, and her eyes were fixed on his lips.

she was closed enough that he could feel her chest rise with the heaviness of her breathing. her eyes no longer seemed light green but deep pools of forest. she never took her gaze from his lip, wetting her own with her little pink tongue. dare he taste those red lips of hers?

apparently not. 

the knock at the door had them both jumping apart, looking mortified at what had almost happened. at least, she looked mortified. daniel looked disappointed. 

"charlotte, sweetie? daniel's brother is here."

not for the first time daniel cursed luca's timing.

 

vii.

daniel doesn't remember seeing the car run the stoplight toward their car.

he remembers luca laughing at his story in the passenger seat, a bright light and then...nothing.

then he woke up in the hospital to ava's grief stricken face and aron's emptiness.

viii. 

vehicular manslaughter. that's what they charged the other driver with. driving with negligence.

negligence had rid daniel of his older brother.

ix.

daniel didn't go back to school for three weeks. he had moved on autopilot through luca's funeral, through watching his father crack at the loss of his beloved son, he'd watched ava sob in luca's room, over his football jersey. there'd been nothing. 

students had started whispering the moment he stepped inside the school building. they had looked at him with pity and uncertainty. no longer was he simply daniel graham. he was daniel graham with the dead brother. their eyes followed him the deeper he stepped into the school until he simply pulled his hood up to hide his bruised and cut face from their gazes. 

the thing that hurt the most was charlotte rushing up to him in the hallway. aron had told him that she'd visited nearly everyday when he was unconscious but daniel didn't want to see her. not now. not when he was exposed like a nerve.

he walked around her and didn't look back. 

x.

"please stop avoiding me, daniel." her voice was ripe with pain. she had found him on the darkened soccer field, running laps so he could collapse in exhaustion. if he kept himself busy, he wouldn't think. if he kept himself busy, he wouldn't think about luca dying while picking him up. 

"go away, charlotte." his voice was rough, gravelly from the lack of us.

"daniel...please. stop...you need to stop this. everyone's worried about you. ava said you stopped eating?" worry joined the hurt in her voice.

"not hungry."

"that's a lie and you know it." charlotte stepped closer, her green eyes so guiless that it hurt daniel to look at her. "you're /hurting/ yourself."

"so?" he retorted, flatly.

"so?" charlotte sounded incredulous when he turned away. "so?"

"fuck off, rigs."

"you coward!" the grass crunched under her feet as she stalked toward him, eyes blazing with pain. "how dare you act like you don't care that people are worried about you? your family is worried sick. i'm worried sick."

"you?" he spun toward her, striding to meet her. daniel towered over her. "why the fuck should you give a damn? we're lab partners, not friends. "

"i love you, you big dumb idiot." she choked out. "you're stupid and you're hurtful and i hate you so much. i hate you so much right not but i love you."

his fingers wrapped around the nape of her neck, bruisingly gripping the white skin as he yanked her toward him. she slammed into his chest as he forced her chin up so he could kiss her. he waited for her to kick but her small white hand went into his hair and pulled angrily at the strands. his teeth smashed against hers, a kiss of teeth that was so different than the gentle kisses he'd imagined. he had imagined easing her into kissing. charlotte's kiss was aggressive and sharp, cutting him and leaving him to bleed. but it was what he needed. 

he needed to feel her hand pulling and ripping at his shirt while his teeth scraped along the white column of her neck.

he needed to feel her nails score his arms the moment he managed to shove that skirt up around her waist and she managed to knock his running shorts to his ankles.

he needed to join her on the ground, hooking her legs around his waist as their hands groped at each other, searching for closeness. ferocity claimed them both. there was no foreplay, neither of them needed the foreplay. blindly they clutched at each other, a mixture of touches and sounds. daniel buried his face in her loose red hair, hips moving in rough, erratic strokes to meet the roll of her hips. 

they fucked on that soccer field, rocking into each other in rushed motions, trying to find some way to soothe the emptiness inside both of them.


End file.
